How do you know if there is an
elephant under the bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!
Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
To invent the other side.
Why do birds fly South?
Because it's too far to walk.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Why do elephants drink so much?
To try to forget.
What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam.
Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager.
Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either.
Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The outside
Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
No, you should eat your fingers separately.
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!
What is the fruitiest lesson?
History, because it's full of dates!
What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!
Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming
pool.
Give him a glass of water!
Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!
Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
To the retail store.
What kind of dog tells time?
A watch dog.
What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!
What runs but never walks?
Water!
What did one virus say to another?
Stay away! I think I've got penicillin!
How do you stop a cold getting to your chest?
Tie a knot in your neck!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
Slippers!
Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
He wanted to find Pluto!
How do you prevent a Winter cold?
Catch it in the Summer !
"Will this path take me to the main road?"
"No sir! You'll have to go by yourself!"
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
What is the strongest bird?
A crane!
Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in evening dress